


when I go find me in the shallows

by orphan_account



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, High School, M/M, Mutual Pining, Teacher Derek Hale, Theater AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 18:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5137376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are a lot of bad things in this world, and one of all those bad things is having your ex-boyfriend as the director of your performance. To make everything worse, the last time you saw him was 6 months ago and he was all “Yeah, bye. I’m off to adventure with my new girlfriend. Hasta la vista, bitches,” to you and your friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when I go find me in the shallows

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Crowoxy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowoxy/gifts).



> Beta'ed by Milena, thank you very much, dear! You're the best.  
> Title taken from Daughter's song called "Shallows"

There are a lot of bad things in this world, and one of all those bad things is having your ex-boyfriend as the director of your performance. To make everything worse, the last time you saw him was 6 months ago and he was all “Yeah, bye. I’m off to adventure with my new girlfriend. Hasta la vista, bitches,” to you and your friends.

Thanks, but no thanks. Stiles has enough in his plate.

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Stiles whispered to Scott, the last thing he wants is everyone in drama club knowing about his relationship with their new director.

“My name is Derek Hale,” Derek smiled to the members of drama club; he can be charming when he wants to be. That bastard. “I’ll be the substitute teacher until… Well, actually I’m not really sure until when, but let’s hope for the best for Ms. Wright!”

Mr. Wright is their drama teacher and the director of their performance for the upcoming show. That is, until she was involved in a car accident 2 weeks ago and is still in recovery. She is a nice woman and Stiles likes her, he really hopes she can get well soon. Because, duh… having your asshole ex as the substitute isn’t that nice. Really.

“I’ve been told that we’re going to perform _Almost Maine,”_ Derek glances at the paper in his hand, “this is one of my favourite plays, I’ve saw it in New York last month.”

“Wow, you are from New York?” Sandra – who, ironically enough, plays Sandrine– asks Derek, _no_ , she practically _purrs_.

“Actually I’m from Beacon Hills, but I moved out to New York when I was 16.”

Thank God no one says anything about the Hale fire. Stiles swears to God he is going to hurl if that happens. Also, Sandrine really has no idea about Derek? Really? Or maybe she is trying to flirt with Derek. Whatever. Stiles doesn’t care. At all.

“Why don’t we get started with…,” Derek scans the paper in his hand that has the name of the cast, “Scene 1? Scott and Kira, really?” Derek snorted.

Stiles would love to laugh if they were in different situation, Kira blushes prettily as she makes her way to the stage. Scott seems confused and completely oblivious about what’s happening. He stares at Stiles like Stiles will him about what is wrong. Stiles shakes his head and pushes Scott to the stage.

“Chop chop, Scott!” he smiles to his best friend. He makes a mistake to take a quick glance at Derek’s direction and well, apparently Derek is looking at him. Their eyes meet, Stiles quickly averts his gaze to the stage.

What did Nietzsche, say? When you look into your ex, your ex also looks into you. Right.

Derek is calling the scene random, after Scene 1 he calls for Scene 3, and then for The Prologue. Stiles just puts chip in his mouth when he hears Derek calls for Scene 5 aka his scene. He is so surprised that he chokes on his mouth, Liam – his partner, who plays as Randy, by the way – takes a pity of him and hits his back several times.

“You okay, Stiles?”

“Uh,” Stiles’s eyes flickers to Derek who watches him like a hawk, “okay, let’s do this, Liam.”

Liam gives him a secret smile and whispers in his ear, “I know it’s hard to see your ex after a long time.”

Derek raises his eyebrow at them – he definitely hears the younger boy. Stiles groaned, “Shut the hell up, Liam.”

 _Everything is going to be okay,_ Stiles says in his head and repeats it for a while as he climbs the stage. Yeah, everything is going to be okay.

\--

It’s 5.20 when finally Derek calls it a day, he is surprisingly a good teacher, he watches everyone attentively and gives some suggestions about their performance. Stiles tries so hard not to glance at him, afraid their eyes would meet, but according to Scott – who whispers occasionally to him, even though pretty sure Derek can hear him – Derek is often looking at him like he wants to say something. That’s why Stiles quickly packs his belongings before Derek could say something like….

“Mr. Stiliniski, please stay for a while, I want to discuss something about your performance.”

Yeah, something like that. Asshole.

“Uh,” he glances at Scott who smiles encouragingly at him, Kira who’s sitting beside Scott, looks at him worriedly.

“Do you want us to stay?” Kira asks him, because she’s an angel.

“No, that’s okay. Just go, I’ll join you soon!”

Lydia rolls her eyes and pats his cheek, “Call me if something goes wrong, okay?” then she looks at Derek with a threatening glare. “Don’t fuck this up, Hale!”

Stiles takes a seat and watches the members of drama club are leaving the auditorium one by one, he looks up and sees Sandra is talking to Derek. He bites his lower lip and stares down at his feet. He is absolutely not jealous, there is no reason to be jealous since they are already over since 8 months ago.

He waits for a while until Sandra is finished talking with Derek and walking to the door. Their eyes meet before she can exit the auditorium, she winks at him and smiles triumphantly. Wait, does she just score a date with Derek? What the fuck?

“It’s nothing like that,” Derek says as if he can hear Stiles’s thought. “Stiles, you are talking to yourself again!”

“What? No! What are you talking about?” Stiles feels offended. “What are you talking about, anyway?” he asks curiously, still not jealous though.

“Not important,” Derek is walking toward him now, shit. “How are you, Stiles?”

“Really? After 6 months of disappearing the first thing you ask me is ‘How are you, Stiles? You know what, it’s not your fuckin business!”

“Stiles, I – ”

“Don’t, don’t you say that. Don’t say, ‘I’m sorry’ if you don’t meant it!”

“I’m sorry, okay?! I… I miss you!”

That’s the last straw, Stiles stand up from his seat, “Fuck you, Hale!” he snarls and storms out from the auditorium.

\--

They broke up 9 months ago, Stiles always says that to everyone who asks. The truth is, it’s not exactly a break up. He told Derek if he needed time, he wanted to break for a while, after everything that happened he couldn’t help but blame himself. He still dreams of Allison up until now and it still hurts.

About 2 weeks after their ‘break’ Derek was missing from his loft, he didn’t really meet Derek often after that, he missed him but he was the one who wanted a break. And then Scott told him about Derek and Braeden. And it hurt.

Of course Derek wouldn’t wait for him, he was so foolish for thinking that Derek still loved him and would wait for him. Like he said before, he didn’t see each other often after what happened in La Iglesia. He missed young Derek sometimes; young Derek who looked at him with his big eyes with curiosity, young Derek who was softer in every edge. Maybe it would be easier to deal with young Derek than this Derek.

When they met again Derek was with Braeden, he looked distant and Stiles was mad at himself, why the fuck he asked for a break? It was too late of course, the feelings were gone and he had to move one. He was torn when Derek decided to go, but he needed to forget him. There were no goodbye, suddenly Derek just gone from his life.

And 6 months later…. He entered the auditorium and introduced himself as his substitute teacher. What a jerk.

\--

“We should’ve gone with _Cherry Orchard,_ ” Stiles says as he scans his script, “or… I don’t know, _The Government Inspector_ maybe? I’d be an amazing Khlestakov, you know?”

The sheriff has a late shift that day, so Stiles decides to have a night out with his friends. They decide to order pizza for dinner, which Scott is going to get with Kira. Stiles is left with Lydia in her room, lying on her bed. Stiles is seriously thanking Lydia’s mom for buying her a big and comfy bed.

“Yeah, I agree about the Khlestakov part,” Lydia eyes him from head to toe, “you definitely would be a perfect Khlestakov – funny and manipulative. Or we could go with _Cherry Orchard,_ it’s a play about change, you know. About someone who is apparently can’t move on from the past!” Lydia looks at him pointedly. “Remind you of someone, Stilinksi?” she flicks Stiles’s nose playfully.

“I don’t know,” Stiles snorts and pretends to read his script but no one can escape from Lydia’s laser eyes. He sighs and closes his script,“What do you want, Lyd?”

“What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” he lies, even though he knows it’s useless.

“Did Derek say anything that… upset you?” Lydia asks softly, she stares at Stiles worriedly.

“It wasn’t like that. I don’t know, I just… don’t know how to react, because suddenly he’s here after disappearing for 6 months. He just went; _how are you, Stiles?_ Like he didn’t left for 6 months, like everything was okay. And you know what, he told me if he was sorry and… he missed me.”

“Maybe he meant it.”

“I don’t know,” Stiles rolls his eyes, “he could be charming when he wants to. Remember how everyone was practically swooning over him?”

Lydia laughs, “yeah, I know, everyone was vibrating with excitement when he stepped into the stage and introduced himself. I’d say be careful to you since he was so charming and dazzled everyone, but then I remember something,” Lydian grins wickedly, “it’s the other way around with you two.”

“What do you mean?” Stiles stares at Lydia confusedly.

“He only sees you, Stiles,” Lydia deadpans, he stares at Stiles like Stiles is so clueless like Scott, “you…” Lydia gestures Stiles’s everything and sighs, “god damn it, do I have to say this?” but, Stiles still looks at Lydia like a kicked puppy. “Fine, it’s the other way around because he always looks at you like you hung the moon. Like you are the moon actually, and it makes sense since he’s a werewolf!” Lydia nods to herself, satisfied with her analogy.

“Yeah, right, of course. Whatever.”

“The wolf is in love with the moon, and every full moon he cries for a love he will never touch,” Lydia says. “You two deserve each other, you know?”

“It isn’t like that, Lydia.”

“Yes, it is,” Lydia ruffles Stiles’s hair ignoring the boy’s protest, “you will understand soon.”

Stiles doesn’t say anything in reply, he takes his script and opens it again. He thinks about Derek when he reads the last part of his scene.

_Well, I can’t help it!!  It just kinda came over me!!  I’ve fallen in love with ya, here!!_

_-_

Apparently Derek’s return to Beacon Hills marks the werewolf shenanigan’s return as well. The situation is quiet for a while, nothing seems wrong. He manages to avoid Derek every day after the practice, before Derek can say anything he already runs from the auditorium. Nice.

It is actually the calm moment before the storm, because 2 week later Stiles is in a deep slumber when suddenly his phone’s ringing. It’s Fall Out Boy’s Fourth of July, which is his ringtone for Derek. He is surprised because he doesn’t remember still having Derek’s number and really, Derek is calling him at – he cheeks at his clock – 3 in the morning, really?

He picks his phone from under the bed and answers the call hesitantly, “yeah? This better be important because…”

“Preserve, now!” Derek hisses.

“What? What’s going on? Is everything okay?” Stiles grabs his jacket and his key in autopilot. “Derek?” but Derek already ends the call.

Stiles curses as he makes his way downstairs, he thanks God because his Dad on the late shift, he really doesn’t want to explain about what happens this time. His dad knows about his break up with Derek and according to him Stiles was moping. Stiles wasn’t moping. Absolutely not.

He arrives in the preserve in less than 10 minutes, but he needs another 10 minutes to find Derek and… apparently Scott and Kira are joining the party as well.

“Okay, what the fuck?” Stiles isn’t surprised anymore.

“Troll,” Scott sighs, “remember the accident last week?”

“Are you fuckin kidding me?” Stiles hisses as he takes his phone to check the clock, “it’s not even 4 am! Does it mean we have to keep running until sunrise?! Sorry, but I’m not a guy in Maze Runner who has to run to save his sorry ass!”

“We’ve called Lydia,” Scott adds unhelpfully, “she agrees to lend us her car, so we don’t need to run.”

“Or we just can use UV lamp,” Stiles murmured, “wait, we can use a UV lamp!”

“We don’t have a UV lamp, Stiles,” Scott whispered.

“We have a UV lamp, I remember we use that for… Oh, I’m sorry.”

The damn UV lamp belongs to the Argent. How could Stiles forget that.

It is silence for a while, suddenly Derek and Scott look at each other. They definitely hear something and Stiles doesn’t have a good feel about that.

“What do you just hear?”

Derek doesn’t say anything; he grabs Stiles hand and drags Stiles with him without any explanation. Scott does the same with Kira.

“Derek, what is that?” he asks when finally Derek decides to stops. He really needs to start running again every morning, he’s out of practice these days.

“The troll is fast,” Derek explains, “and we’re separated from Scott and Kira.”

“Nice,” Stiles rolls his eyes and then reach for a pocket of mountain ash in his jacket, he’s so pro at this, he just needs to throw the mountain ash in the air and voila they magically turn into circle around him. Yes, mountain ash is his bitch.

“I forget to bring my invisible pendant – I have 3 by the way.”

“Yeah?” Derek asks, his face is so close with Stiles; Stiles only needs to lean a little so their nose can brush each other.

“Yeah!” he squeaks.

Derek smiles at him, he opens his mouth to say something, but before he can say anything Stiles hears loud stomping in the ground. The troll is standing in front of them, except it’s not a troll.

“It’s a Rakshasa,” Stiles stares at the Rakshasa blankly.

“What?” Derek looks at the previously assumed troll. “Is what?”

“Rakshasa,” Stiles repeats it, “it means you don’t need sunlight. Oh my, God!”  the Rakshasa is stomping its feet on the ground, it’s not good for their mountain ash circle. “Here’s what I’m gonna do,” Stiles licks his lip nervously, I’m gonna break this circle.”

“What?” Derek automatically pulls Stiles in the middle of the circle, he wraps arms around Stiles’s body, “don’t be an idiot, Stiles!”

“I’m not an idiot!” Stiles snaps. “It’s the only way, you need to kill that thing. He’s afraid of fire.” Stiles winces, it hits too close to him. “Or you just can pierce dagger; which in this case we don’t have it – if only you gave me enough information – so, we’re going to use your claw!”

 “Right,” Derek hesitantly unwraps his arms from Stiles.

“Yeah, _right,”_ Stiles mimics the older man. He quickly breaks the circle and exits it with Derek following him. Wrong move, because suddenly the Rakshasa grabs the back of his collar and slams him to the nearest tree – probably, to be honest everything happens so fast and Stiles can’t think of anything because it’s so sudden and everything hurts. Stiles is out for a while, his head’s ringing and he just wants to go home now.

From his blurry vision he can see Derek and his supernatural gang are trying to kill the creature. It is a very nice of the Rakshasa to forget his existence, because let’s face it, he doesn’t have werewolf or kitsune power to help him. All he has is his sarcasm and sometimes he’s lucky with his magic, but only sometimes.

“Stiles?” Derek asks him softly, he kneels beside Stiles and brushes his thumb in Stiles’s cheek. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I think. How’s the monster of the week?”

“Kira kills it with her sword,” Derek shrugs, “let’s go home, I’ll drive your jeep.”

It’s embarrassing; really, Derek gathers him in his arm and picks him like he is a damsel in distress. He hates that term by the way, damsel in distress.

“Stiles, stop talking to yourself. You’re a knight in distress,” Derek chuckles.

“I want to go home,” Stiles mumbles sleepily as he rests his head in Derek’s chest, Derek has the best chest. It’s comfy. He drifts into sleep within seconds.

Derek sighs as he makes his way towards Stiles’s jeep, “somehow I’m pretty sure you’re gonna regret this in the morning.”

\--

Stiles groans when he wakes up in the morning, He really wants to sleep for some more, but his alarm just won’t stop blaring. It’s like someone’s screaming, “WAKE UP.. WAKE UP…,” in his hear. He reaches for his phone to turn off his alarm, his arm feels stiff, in fact his body is hurt like he is just being slammed into a tree.

Wait, that’s what happened last night! Oh, God! Suddenly memory from last night comes to his mind. His cheeks flush, he remembers everything, Derek carried him to his bed and tucked him in, he clung to Derek’s hand when the older man wanted to leave. He whined and asked Derek to stay with him, god damn it.

He is so dead.

\--

“I want to skip practice today,” Stiles says as he puts his lunch tray in the table, Lydia raises her eyebrows at him, “I need to do something, okay?” Lydia raises her eyebrows higher. “Fine, I don’t want to meet Derek, okay?”

“Stiles,” Kira says, “the show is next week, you can’t skip practice!”

“Of course I can! Liam and I can practice our part in my house, right, Liam?”

"What? What is that?” Liam just arrives in the table, he stares at everyone confusedly. “What do I miss?”

“Stiles wants to skip practice because apparently he just can’t face his ex after what happened last night!” Lydia retorts viciously.

“What happen last night?” Liam is the clueless puppy in their group. He’s basically Scott 2.0.

“You were not even there, Lydia!” Stiles scowls at Lydia, he stabs his macaroni before he eats it. “Whatever she says, don’t believe it, she twists the truth.”

“I can’t believe they gave us this,” Scott sniffs the mystery meat in his pasta.

“Don’t tell me this is human flesh!” Liam glares his pasta suspiciously.

Lydia clears her throat, “Guys, back to the topic, please?” everyone shifts their attention to Lydia. “Anyway, I was late last night, but I was there,” she watches Stiles from the corner of her eyes. “Do you know what I saw? Derek and Stiles were cuddling.”

“We are not!”

“Yes, he practically flew to you after Kira killed the Rakshasa and I saw you two were cuddling. He carried you bridal style in his arms, how sweet!”

“In my defence,” Stiles begins after he swallows his macaroni, “I was slammed into a tree, I couldn’t think straight! Are you expecting me to push him when I couldn’t even see anything?”

“Whatever floats your boat Stiles!”

“My boat doesn’t float, my boat sinks! It’s a submarine!”

\--

Stiles shows up 30 minutes late to practice, Derek glares at him and Liam when they open the auditorium’s door. Lydia is in the stage with her partner who plays as Steve, she shakes her head at him and mouths ‘stupid’ (although it’s Liam who whispers, “She says you are stupid, Stiles,” to him.)

“Mr. Stilinksi, Mr. Dunbar, happy to see you two!” Derek says with sarcasm clear in his voice.

“I’m not happy,” Stiles murmurs. Derek can hear him of course, “Sorry, we have detention,” which is a lie.

Derek raises his trademark eyebrows, “Just practice your line! I’ll call you later!”

Stiles forces a smile and walks with Liam to the corner, Liam snorts at him. Little shit.

“What?” Stiles frowns.

“Nothing, we need to practice our line, Stiles!”

Stiles doesn’t say anything in return, he is tired today. He opens his script and scans the dialogue, “Can we practice this part? I find it hard to stay in the character after my first fall,” Stiles taps the dialogue.

“Hmm,” Liam props his chin with his hand, “really?”

“Yeah, like I’m not convincing enough,” Stiles whispers to himself, he clears his throat and tries it, “No –  .. I just – .  I think I just… fell in love with you there, Randy.”

“You look like you’re confused instead of realizing that you’re fall in love with your best friend!” Liam deadpans. “I’m not bad, you know?”

“I know,” Stiles sighs, he turns around and looks at the stage where Lydia is hitting someone with a book, “Me falling in love with you ….” He repeats his line.

Except he is not looking at Lydia, he is looking at Derek who’s watching Lydia’s performance.

“Oh,” Liam blinks, “Stiles, I think you… should practice it with Derek?”

“What?”

“Or you know, I’ll stand here,” Liam quickly stands in front of Stiles, “just look at Derek!”

“You’re kidding, right?” Stiles stares at him in disbelief, like Liam just kicks a puppy.

“Just look at him Stiles… you love him.”

“Nonsense,” Stiles feels his cheeks heated, Liam probably hears blip in his heart.

_You look at Derek like you love him._

The thing is, maybe he still does.

\--

Stiles lets himself fall to the floor, he looks up and stares blankly at Liam, “umm, I just fell?”

Liam chuckles, “well, I figured that out!”

No,” Stiles shakes his head, “I just…,” he looks up and he sees Derek is standing behind Liam, he looks at Derek and Derek looks at him. “I think I just… fell in love with you there, Randy.”

Derek stares at him with wide eyes, but he doesn’t move from his place. Suddenly everyone’s quiet, which is weird since this is a comedy, they should be laughing. Stiles falls again, “yeah, that’s what that was!” he says as he get up. “Me falling in love with you!” he looks at Derek again and falls again.

They continue with their dialogue until their scene is almost over. Like his character the realization washes over him ; he is in love with Derek, he is always in love with Derek, he never stops.

 It’s funny, for 9 months he thinks he is get over him, he is move on with his life, when in fact whenever someone mention Derek’s name his heart skips a beat. He thinks he is fine for the past 9 months, but then he enters the auditorium and surprises to see Derek again. All those old feelings come back to him. He still loves him. That’s it.

The question is; does Derek feel the same? Stiles is almost afraid to find out.

\--

“Can we talk?” Derek asks, Stiles can’t run fast enough this time, because suddenly Derek is looming behind him. Old habit dies hard apparently.

“I can’t really,” Stiles eyes his friends who are gathering in the front of the door, they are waiting for him, “

“Stiles, please?” Derek catches his wrist and Stiles really wants to stay with Derek, preferably forever. He opens his mouth to tell Derek his excuse but suddenly he feels someone’s presence beside him.

“Mr. Hale, are you busy?”

It’s Sandra, of course. Stiles is about to pull his hand when Derek tightens his grip. He grits his teeth and whispers, “What are you doing, Der? Let me go!” he tries to yank his hand from Derek’s grip.

“Sorry,” Derek releases his hold from Stiles’s hand, “I’m a little busy with Mr. Stilinksi here, Ms… sorry?”

“It’s Sandra Sanders,” Sandra seems annoyed by the fact that Derek doesn’t know her name. Derek usually will call their scene or their name in the play instead of their actual name. He refers Sandra as Sanderine. Yeah, he’s an asshole who doesn’t bother with remembering name.

“Your name is Sandra Sanders?” he frowns at Sandra.

“Well, my name is Stiles Stilinksi and you never have a problem with that,” Stiles stares at Derek incredulously. Both Derek and Sandra stare at Stiles stoically, their eyebrows are judging him. “Right, shutting up now,” Stiles mimes to zip his mouth. “I guess it’s my cue to go now!”

Sandra shots a dirty look, she definitely doesn’t like Stiles. Stiles gives Sandra a constipated smile before he quickly joins his friends. He urges them to leave before Derek can call him again, but this time Scott is the one who refused to go.

“What is that?” Stiles inquired, he has bad feeling about this. They are standing outside of the auditorium while Scott and Liam is listening to what happen inside.

“Oh my. God!” Liam barks a laugh.

“That’s cold,” Scott shakes his head in disbelief, but he laughs with Liam.

Lydia narrows her eyes, “Let me guess, she is asking Derek out?” Scott nods, Lydia taps her index finger in her cheek, “What did Derek say?”

“I have someone in my mind,” Liam sing-songs as he looks at Stiles pointedly.

“Really?” Kira beams. “Does it mean you two are getting back together?”

“It means I’ll go home now!” Stiles exclaims sulkily as he leaves his friends.

\--

It’s nice knowing that tomorrow is Saturday and he doesn’t need to deal with school (and Derek of course) Stiles opts to order pizza for dinner, reward for himself since he manages to get through these past 2 weeks without stabbing someone – preferably Derek – to death. Stiles lies in his bed and thinking about whether he should order pepperoni or meat lovers when he hears a series of knocks from his window. He squeals and flails in his bed which makes his limbs tangled in the blanket and sends him tumble to his floor.

“Oh, my God, really?” he pokes his head from the heap of blanket.

It is Derek of course, he smiles sheepishly at Stiles and taps the window. “Can you open the window, please?”

Stiles untangles himself from the blanket and walks to his window, “What do you want?” he crosses his arms. “Talk!”

“Stiles,” Derek sighs softly, “would you please open the window?”

Stiles snorts in annoyance, but he opens the window anyway and lets Derek enter the room. Derek prowls in his room like he owns it, he sits in Stiles bed and looks at it weirdly. God, he hopes Derek doesn’t smell something funny there.

“What is that, Derek? Your face looks funny.”

“I still can smell myself in your… bedroom,” he looks like a confused puppy. It is not adorable, not at all.

Well, maybe that’s because Stiles keeps Derek’s clothes in his closet and he wears it sometimes when he misses Derek. Stiles can’t tell Derek about the fact that when he can’t sleep and remembers Derek he will take Derek’s Henley and brings it to bed. Stiles pretends to look confused and frowns at Derek.

“Really? Weird!” he plops himself down in the chair near his bed, he doesn’t trust himself to sit in his bed. “Anyway, what’s up? I’m a little busy here!” he lies twice in a row, there is a special place for him in hell.

“You’re really good today,” Derek says as he picks a loose thread in his green Henley, “I didn’t know if you’re in the drama club, I thought you were still in lacrosse.”

“Yeah, getting tired with running,” Stiles replies, it’s weird to see Derek in his bedroom after a long time to be honest.

They are quite for a while, it is uncomfortable, usually Stiles will be babbling within seconds, but this time cat really got his tongue.

“Are you done with memorizing this?” Derek asks suddenly, he is holding the script.”

“Yeah, thank God,” Stiles watches Derek’s finger skim the dialogue. Must stop thinking about fingers, must stop thinking about Derek in general actually.

“Come here,” Derek pats the empty spot in the bed.

“I’m good here,” Stiles responses a little too quickly, he can see a twitch in the corner of Derek’s mouth. “Really. Fine.”

“Stiles, just come here!” Derek smiles charmingly at him, it’s embarrassing about how fast he gets up to sit beside Derek.

“Here I am,” Stiles says when he’s seated right beside Derek. It’s quiet again, neither he and Derek know about what to do or to say.

“I thought about sending you a postcard,” Derek breaks the silence, “I thought about coming back as well.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know,” Derek looks at him sadly, “I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what? You were gone, just gone, no “bye, Stiles!” in one moment you were there and the next moment you were gone from my life!” Stiles takes a deep breath before he continues. “I was waiting, I thought you were going to come back like … like you always do!”

“Stiles…”

“You are always come back from the dead, hah!” Stiles laughs dryly. “It’s funny, isn’t it? You comeback from the dead, but you don’t even bother to comeback from… from whereever you go! You don’t even bother to come back for me!”

“I came back from the dead because I had you!” Derek growled. “It was you, always you. You are the one who always makes sure I’m coming back. You are always there. Always.”

“What?”

“From the start,” Derek looks at him so earnest and it hurts, “the bullet, the darach, you always made sure I would wake up. Even when you weren’t there I always dreamed of you… I use you as my anchor, Stiles.”

“Your anchor is anger, which makes sense since I always make you angry.”

“No, it’s you,” Derek says firmly.

“Then why were you gone?”

“You wanted time!”

“I wanted time, yes, 50 points for Gryffindor! Then I turned my head back at you only to find you already had a new girlfriend! And it was a very kind of you to give me 6 months bonus! Good job, Hale!”

“It isn’t like that!”

“Then what is that? Explain to me!” Stiles screams angrily as he pushes Derek from the bed. “Did you even love me back then?” he wants to cry, he can’t cry in front of Derek. He looks up at Derek, waiting for reply, but the other is quiet.

It’s too late to take back his words, Derek probably knows he fell in love with him. Too hard. Derek doesn’t feel the same to him.

“I did,” Derek whispers softly, he kneels in front of Stiles, “I did and I still do,” he caresses Stiles’s cheek with his thumb, Stiles leans into it and sighs. “Do you, Stiles?”

Stiles quiet for a while, he is afraid of his own answer. He is afraid of what’s going to happen with them.

“Do I what?” Stiles asks even he knows the question and the answer of it.

“Do you love me?” Derek leans closer, their nose brushed.

“I…,” he doesn’t dare to look at Derek, he stares at his fingers in his lap, but then Derek tips his chin and gazes into his eyes.

 _When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you._ Derek’s eyes are abyss and Stiles is going to fall so deep into it.

“You don’t need to say it if you’re afraid,” Derek said, he understands of course, of course. He is always so understanding, how come Stiles never notices it.

“I’m sorry,” Stiles says, tears spilled from his eyes, “I should’ve said something to you. But, I don’t know..,” he buries his face in Derek’s neck.

“I was afraid too,” Derek says, “I thought I was doing the right thing when in fact it wasn’t. I thought it was the best for you,” Derek chuckles darkly. “I just want you to be happy, you know? I agreed for a break because I thought you was done with me, I thought you wanted to be away from me.”

“That was why you were gone,” Stiles deduces, “right?” he releases himself from Derek’s arms and looks at Derek, “Oh, we’re so dumb!”

“I know,” Derek kisses the tears in his cheek. “Are we good now?”

“Yeah,” Stiles kisses the corner of Derek’s mouth, and then shyly he brushes his lips with Derek’s. It is a chaste kiss at first but then Derek opens his mouth and pulls Stiles into him. “I miss this,” Stiles pants in Derek’s mouth.

He lies in the bed and let Derek pins him in the bed, Derek is desperate to put his hands all over Stiles. Stiles throws his head and lets Derek claims his neck, it’s a werewolf thing he guesses, he tangles his fingers in Derek’s hair to encourage him.

His skin is hot under Derek’s hand, he moans when Derek squeezes his ass and sucks skin under his collarbone, “Oh… oh, yeah, keep going!” he lets out a breathy moan. Now if only Derek will do something good with his hands. But, surprise, suddenly Derek stops and sits in the bed.

“What? Come here!” Stiles whimpers.

“No,” Derek shakes his head, he is trying to regain his breath by breathes slowly. “We have to take it slow!”

“Dude!” Stiles whines. “We’ve done this before! Many many times in many different positions by the way!”

“It was 6 months ago!” he sighs. “I really need to get out of here!” Derek murmurs tiredly.

“No, no, no!”Stiles exclaims. “Okay, no sex, got it! But, we can still cuddle right?”

“Cuddling is fine, I guess.”

“Great!” Stiles yanks Derek beside him and hugs his boyfriend. He hums, “can we make out now?”

“Stiles?”

“Okay, shutting up now!”

But then Derek kisses his nose and his mouth, they make out for a while and stops when Stiles is about to come.

“I hope you masturbate so hard later while thinking about me,” Stiles sighs as he walks to the bathroom to take a cold shower.

“You too, Stiles!” Derek laughs at him. But that’s okay, they can do it later. Later, after the show probably.

\--

The day of the show finally arrives, Stiles is nervous as hell. He murmurs his dialogue as he waits for his scene.

“You will be okay,” Derek say, he  rubs Stiles’s fingers to help Stiles calm down.

“I don’t know, why am I so nervous all of sudden?!”

“You will be fine, you’re perfect!” Derek kisses his boyfriend’s cheek.

“Can I get my reward later?” Stiles asks jokingly, but he cant laught at his own joke because he is so nervous.

“Yes, you can get your reward later!” Derek replies seriously.

“Really?” Stiles widens his eyes, his jaw dropped. “Okay, wow, that’s really helping!” the mental image is not helping because now he’s picturing Derek naked. Not good, not good.

“Stiles, get ready!!” Scott yells.

“Oh, fuck!!” Stiles is about to bolt to the stage when Derek snatches his wrist.

“What?”

Derek plants a soft kiss in his forehead, “Just look at me… like you love me.”

Stiles smiles, “I do love you, Derbear!” he laughs, he strangely feels better.

“I love you,” Derek kisses his hand, “for good luck!”

“Yeah, see you later!” and he closes his eyes and steps into the stage. He sits in a bench and from his peripheral vision he can see Derek is watching him behind the curtain. He gives Stiles an encouraging smile.

He sweeps his eyes in the audience and then he looks at Liam. “I believe you, I’m just saying…”

“It was bad, Chad. _Bad!”_ Liam replies.

No, he thinks for a second. Everything will be okay, he will be okay. He looks at Derek again, no, they will be okay; he and Derek.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Dear Yamimitsukai, I'm sorry if this is not what you have in your mind.  
> Also, bonus point if any of you guys know about the plays i put here, I just couldn't help it, since last year have to analyze those plays.


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